Waiting...

My whole life right now - Can be summarized in one word - "Waiting". Waiting for the phone call, waiting for the new job, for things to get better and then for things to transform in an impressionistic flash. I'm a strange one, I seem to be in a perpetual state where I wish that I am in the future, looking back on my current state relieved that things are better, yet at the same time perpetually reliving the past, aching for the feelings I had then. It's as if I am travelling on this strange loop on an existential highway at sunset.  It's as is the picture from the passenger window has slowed to reveal singular frames in a motion picture, all the time in the world to examine the intricatcies and flaws and opportunity to take notes and change direction. My life is the 8mm footage of past events, slightly saturated by the passage of time. Like how bright the moonlight was on the desert during that camping trip, the way she looked at you and smiled and that day on top of the mountain in June, when the snow was still deep and we flew the kite at the summit which contrasted so brightly against the afternoon storm clouds. Briefly, I take the sideroad away from that highway onto the dirt road, which heads to nowhere with light fading behind the barren mountains. The brake lights glow in the darkness through the cloud of dust and the headlights are switched on. He turns the car back to the highway for a long journey through night and till dawn.